Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Who am I and what am I doing here?

Almost thirty years ago, I learned that if I don't journal about things that are going on in my life and rattling around in my head, I'm going to drive myself and everyone around me crazy. Writing calms me, helps me to think through things, and gives me a place to put things so that they don't burst my brain open.

I still do a lot of very private journaling, but a few years ago I discovered that it can be good to write publicly via online journals and blogs: Even if no one reads a single word I write or gives a rat's ass about what's going on, there are times when I need at least the option to imagine that someone will read what I wrote and understand where I'm coming from, and times when I benefit from the accountability that public journaling/blogging requires. Then if someone happens to come along and say, "oh, wow, me too!" it just adds to the fun. I don't blog for page hits, advertising revenue, public acknowledgment, fame, fortune or beauty. I blog for the same reason that people put notes into bottles and toss them into the ocean: Most will sink to the bottom and become beach glass, a few might damage someone's boat or get swallowed by a whale, but it's really nice to imagine some person somewhere finding it and reading it and getting some enjoyment from it, and maybe even writing back.

My public blogs are all on special topics that only folks who are traveling the same path would ever get or enjoy: Old house renovation, local eating and green living, and now, with this blog, menopause. I also have a currently inactive blog about my partner's and my wedding plans, but that requires things like a date and an actual "yes I want to have a public ceremony" commitment from TWO people, not just one, but I digress. All of those are topics I could talk about for hours with someone who didn't tune out after ten seconds because of keen disinterest. I use these blogs to protect my friendships and other personal relationships, so that I don't have to face that look on the face of someone I care about, that look that clearly says "would you just freakin' shut up about ____ for a while?!?" ::ahem::

Anyway, I'm Leslie. I'll be 49 in just over a week and I'm having some age anxiety; while I firmly believe that age anxiety is both narcissistic and just plain foolish, I've decided that after a lifetime of being far too practical, I'm allowed a few moments of being narcissistic and just plain foolish. I'm a computer science teacher at a community college, which overall is a very good job to have. I'm partnered to the butch of my dreams, and "Abuela" to our two wonderful granddaughters. We live in and spend not quite as much time as we should fixing up an old house that we love. We share our lives with two zany rescued pugs who drive us nuts but we love them anyway.

And - leading to the purpose of this blog - I'm learning to deal with menopause, the change of life, the constant roller-coasters of my body temperature and moods, the realization that there will be no babies ever, the question about whether it's finally time to toss out what's left in that last box of tampons that I bought two years ago.

To paraphrase a popular quote, menopause is never fun, but sometimes it can be funny. I'm hoping that this blog will help me to both record this journey that I'm on, and help me to find and share what's funny along the way.


NavyAiredale said...

"Butch of [your] dreams]?!

Oh, Leslie: how you have changed.

Leslie said...

Yes, I certainly have!

Who are you, and how do I know you?

NavyAiredale said...

Leslie: You and I were together for a short time....while you were in the eighth grade at Webb junior high. I went to Disney World with you and your family shortly after it opened. I posted a comment on another of your blogs (the one where you mention the trip to Frisco) that goes into more detail.....if you can no longer access that blog, please let me know and I will furnish more details (like about the Dachschund your family had while living in the Northern area of Town-n-Country park ( Northwest of an elementary school called Woodbridge, I believe)...that your father's stereo at the time included a reel to reel deck that I used to record Badfinger's "Straight Up" and the Who's "Tommy" (which we very much enjoyed.....'listening' to), as well as some of the broadcasts from WUSF's Underground Railroad programming.

I (hope anyway) was the last fellow you spent any time with before you and your family headed to Turkey (via Ohio to see family, I think). We exchanged letters for some time before I proceeded to attempt to melt my brain down boozing and using (I'm clean and sober 20+ years).

I thought the post would leave my name, but it didn't.

I'm Pete Fonte.

I hope all this jogs some memories, and pleasant ones at that. I have been looking to find you and see how you are for nearly two decades. I pray that you are happy and that perhaps I'll hear from you again.

If so, you may email me at pfonte@san.rr.com or topographicpisces@yahoo.com .